| we all know i rock.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
i just finished reading blogs.
i want to blog but got nothing to say.
a lot to say actually. but can't.
i so sick and tired of everything.
no, really. i feel lethargic constantly.
i realise how much i love my family.
i think i've always loved them.
just that sometimes i get blinded.
projects are overwhelming.
iaf is a gone case. i tried. i really tried.
i know i've friends who love me.
and some of them i can't live without.
but sometimes i don't want to bother them.
that's why only a few are confidantes.
and i do treasure those that stick by me.
i've been thinking of kc a lot lately.
trying to figure what's to come.
i considered asking him back.
i want to call him and talk to him.
but? i can't.
i know i've changed.
changed to a person whom even i detest.
whom even my family had to re-accept.
yes i smoke. i plan to quit.
but smoking de-stresses me.
my mom had a hard time accepting.
but i think she understands.
the big TALK.
i understand what my mom feels.
and she knows what i think.
she is afterall the one who gave birth to me.
i'll treat her right.
i hate feeling condemned.
that's how kc makes me feel.
i hate mahjong now.
because i have to face him.
but i want to see him.
but seeing him depresses me.
we won't be together again.
i know that for a fact.
but i'm not done grieving.
i need a new guy.
a no strings attached sort of guy.
someone that would not be my everything.
but can make me smile.
i won't be the same as how i used to be.
i would be able to let go just like that.
this ended up to be quite a long entry eh?
i am now going to conquer iaf.
11:31 PM
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